Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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