I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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