Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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