The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
