I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
