my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
