I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
