The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
