Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
