I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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