I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
