90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
