I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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