SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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