he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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