I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
