you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
