It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
