omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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