I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
