I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
