I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
