Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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