Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
