But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
