and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
