his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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