no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My balls are so social today.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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