I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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