She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
