return my video game
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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