I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
