giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
