Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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