I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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