Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
