You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
