so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
