OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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