That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
