I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
