I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
