On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
