we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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