i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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