Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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