just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
