His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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