She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
