I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
