oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just googled if crying burns calories
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
