I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
