I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
